Monopoly
by AgentApril
Summary: Started out as a stupid "just-sorta-there" fic, but now its a crackfic. So I played Monopoly with my aunt, uncle, and mom one night and decided to rewrite it with me, Aster, Jaden and Chazz. And Jesse shows up at the end too for some surpride entertainmen


**Okay, I know I haven't updated my other stories in a while, and I'm sorry, but my inspiration ran a tad bit **_**dry**_**. I'll get to 'em, though—after all, I **_**do**_** know how they'll end up, so…**

**Anyway, my aunt, uncle, mom, and I all played Monopoly the other night, and it was **_**hilarious**_**, so it's what I'm basing this oneshot off of. Except for the last part with Jesse…that never happened in real-life.**

**So Chazz (my uncle), Jaden (my aunt), Aster (my mom), and my continuous OC, April (ME! I mean, seriously, who better to play me—the amazing Monopoly wizard—than someone of my creation?), all decide to play Monopoly. With Jaden's determination, Chazz's selfishness, Aster's business skills/experience, and my…well, amazing Monopoly-playing skills (if I do say so myself), who will win??**

**P.S. If I owned this, it would be an episode. Plus, the fourth season would be nonexistent—no offense if you liked it, but I thought it was crap. Of course, I don't speak Japanese, so I had to watch the subbed version…**

GXGXGX

"Alright, we'll roll youngest to oldest to see who goes first," April started. Aster had coerced her, Jaden, and Chazz into playing Monopoly (the Onyx Edition, to be exact); April was pretty sure he only did so because he was convinced he would be able to beat Jaden at something.

She sat in front of the red and yellow properties, Aster sat in front of the pink and orange properties, Chazz in front of the slum-y purples and periwinkles, and Jaden in front of the high-class greens and blues. April had gotten the dog piece, Aster got the moneybag, Chazz got the top hat, and Jaden got the…shoe.

April handed the dice to the youngest, Aster, and watched him roll an eleven. Being only a few months older than him, April rolled an eight. Jaden rolled a nine and Chazz, a ten.

Aster smirked and rolled again. Six. Aster's moneybag landed on Oriental Avenue, a periwinkle property. "I'll buy it!" he proclaimed, handing one of his yellow hundreds to April, the banker. Chazz, the property manager, begrudgingly handed him Oriental off of the property carousel.

"Give me those," Chazz snapped, snatching the dice off of the board. He also landed on a periwinkle property (Vermont), buying it up.

April snorted; she already knew how this would turn out. "You know, this game is just gonna go on and on till we buy up all the properties. Then we'll all just be going around the board, paying each other fives and tens."

Jaden shrugged, shaking the dice. However, he knew April would be right—she had beaten him at this game more than once, and she always seemed to know how it would turn out. But when April's prediction came true and Aster got bored of handing the property holders money over and over again, things would turn a lot more interesting…

GXGXGX

All the properties had been bought up.

April held an orange property (St. James), a red (Indiana), a pink (St. Charles), a purple (Mediterranean), and a railroad (Pennsylvania).

Aster had a blue property (Boardwalk), his Oriental from before, and a red (Illinois).

Chazz and Jaden had everything else. Jaden had two railroads (Reading and Short Line) and Chazz had one (B&O). Jaden also had the Electric Company, while Chazz possessed Waterworks. Other than that, it was pointless to keep track. All that would really matter was that Jaden had two of three of the pinks _and_ two of three of the greens, and that Chazz had Park Place, a blue (much to Aster's chagrin) and Baltic, a purple.

By now, it seemed safer in jail, and players (mostly Aster and April) were happier about landing on the Go To Jail corner than getting paid. Aster and April had both purposefully refused to leave until they had to multiple times by now. **(A/N: Did you know that after three turns in jail without rolling doubles, you **_**have**_** to pay and leave?)**

Chazz had also taken a peek at the rules to see if players could trade properties, as no one had a full set. Turns out, they could. Chazz had attempted to trade with Jaden and Aster both, but they refused, much to his _own_ chagrin.

"Alright, Aster, one last chance," Chazz practically pleaded. "I'll give you Park Place _if_ you give me free rent for _all_ blues."

"Throw in Kentucky and you've got a deal." Aster smirked. Kentucky was a red property. April had been pretty uninvolved in the game so far. Maybe if Aster could get her in, he could form an alliance. He knew she was smart; she just needed a push. And selling her both reds for a low price would _definitely_ earn him her thanks.

Chazz growled. "I want another 300 then, too."

Aster shrugged. "Fine. Money's not an issue. You've got yourself a deal." Aster handed over the hundreds and Chazz gave him his two properties.

It was true; money _wasn't_ an issue. But, though Aster was rich enough, April was more so. Aster knew from Jaden that her strategy was to sit on a huge money pile and buy up only a couple of properties. This was always the strategy she beat Jaden with, though.

_Obviously_, Aster thought as he glanced at Jaden's money pile. It looks like he had somewhere along the lines of 300—_total_. However, he also held the most properties.

Over the next few minutes, Chazz had managed to convince April to sell him her railroad _and_ Mediterranean for $400 and Jaden managed to convince her to sell him St. Charles for $200. Aster offered to buy Indiana, but she refused on the grounds that she "liked" that property.

Aster still couldn't figure out her strategy, but offered to sell her his reds for a low price. She accepted and paid him. That was when things took a turn. Aster placed two houses on Boardwalk and Park Place—_each_. Jaden stuck a house on each of his pinks and Chazz put a hotel on his two purples.

Aster was getting frustrated—though she owned all three reds, April had not put any houses or anything on the properties. Instead, she had busied herself stacking the hotels in a pyramid (whilst Jaden did the same with the houses), handing out money, and trying to find different ways to get sent to jail ("If I stole one of Aster's hundreds, could I get thrown in jail?").

"You know what?" Aster suddenly yelled. She grabbed three of April's five hundreds and stuck them in the bank. He gave her $150 back and nine houses (houses on red=$150 each). "There!"

"Aster!" April whined. "I only have $600 left! How am I supposed to make it past the Corner of Death?" She was, of course, referring to Aster's two-house-blues and Chazz's hotel-purples.

"April." Aster sighed. "If someone lands on any of your properties, you get _seven hundred dollars_. That's more than enough to put you past the 'Corner of Death,' as you so kindly refer to it."

April and crossed her arms. "You better pray I get a ten," she grumbled as she picked up the dice and rolled. "Yes! Ten!" she cheered as she moved her dog to jail.

GXGXGX

Jaden was the first victim of Aster's—oops, I mean _April's_—trap. Things hadn't been going so well for Jay so far—he had all of his properties except one green were mortgaged and he only had, literally, $25 all together.

"Um, oh, this is not good…hey! April!" Jaden cheered. "How's this? I'll give you _all_ my properties, okay? And _then_ I get off rent-free for them all!"

Chazz and Aster stared in shock. That was a good move…for both of them. With Jaden's properties, April would practically rule the board. She'd have all the pinks, one periwinkle, two oranges, all the reds, two yellows, one green, two railroads, _and_ the Electric Company. Plus, Jaden would get to keep a property and his two hundred, not to mention his free pass for all of the previously mentioned properties.

"Deal!" April laughed.

"Sweetness!" Jaden exclaimed, gathering his properties to trade.

_Damnit_…Aster thought. _There goes my alliance with April. I should have _known _she'd side with Yuki_. He glanced at her money pile. _ And she's raking in the dough, there_._ She can bail him out anytime_. _And it looks like he'll do anything to stay in the game, even if he ends up owing her a thousand bucks_…

April grabbed the dice from the hard game board and rolled.

Aster smirked. "Uh oh. Looks like someone's in trouble."

"I wouldn't say that." April glanced at the property she landed on. "How much is Boardwalk? 600?" She picked up an orange five hundred and a yellow one hundred and handed them to Aster. "Here ya go."

Chazz's eyebrows shot up as he glanced at April's money pile. "The scary part isn't so much that she can afford it…it's that she still has 1500 bucks left! And that's just in five hundred bills!"

"How about we make this a bit more interesting?" April grinned. "The winner gets one of those five-pound chocolate bars they sell in the cafeteria. Plus, the losers do their homework for a week."

"But…those cost a fortune—in _real_ money! And the losers have to do the homework?!" Chazz protested.

April shrugged. "There can only be one winner, Chazz. There are _two_ people here with money—you and Aster. There's also three people with brains—me, the kid with the PhDs, and Jaden."

"Hey!" Chazz exclaimed, insulted. "That last part is wrong in _so_ many ways!"

"Okay, fine. _Two_ people with brains. And I'm guessing you can tell which one I eliminated."

"Wait…who? Was it Aster? What's a PhD, anyway?" Jaden suddenly asked.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Fine!" Chazz yelled. "I'll beat you, prove I'm smarter than ALL of you, and make you buy me that chocolate _and_ do my homework!"

April nodded happily. "How about you guys? You in?"

"You bet!" Aster nodded. "I _never_ back down!"

"Chocolate?! Count me IN!" Jaden cheered.

"Sweet!" April pushed the dice to her right. "Your turn, Ast."

"'K…but first, I think I'll buy two more houses for Boardwalk and Park Place!" Everyone groaned as Aster paid and took two more houses. Now there were three on each of the blues. Aster ignored the groans and protests from the other players, rolled, and moved his moneybag to Kentucky. "Aw, man!"

April held out her hand. "Pay up!"

"I think I've created a monster…" Aster murmured as he handed over $700.

"What was that?"

"Nothing! Your turn, Chazz!"

Aster practically threw the dice at Chazz, who (amazingly) caught them. Then he rolled them way more forcefully, murmuring: "Come on, three, three!" Fortunately, there was a wall around the Onyx Edition board that prevented the dice from flying across the room.

"Geez, Chazz!" Jaden cried. "Where do you think you are, Vegas?"

"He could be," Aster commented, pointing at the dice, which had bounced back towards Chazz from the force of the throw. "Look; three."

"Alright!" Chazz exclaimed, moving to the Community Chest between two of the house-laden reds (Kentucky and Indiana) and picking the top card. "Move back—no way! What the hell is this?! 'Move back one space'?!" Are you f***ing kidding me?!"

"700…Chazz! Hand…it…over!" April managed between fits of laughter.

"Never mind…what I…said…Chazz," Aster gasped, almost crying. "Better…stay away…from Vegas!"

"Chazz!" Jaden gasped. "How could you use such language?!"

Chazz growled and reluctantly threw the money at April. It wasn't as dramatic as he would have liked, as it was only two bills and those bills were only paper, making it about halfway across the board before fluttering to the ground.

Which only made the other three laugh harder.

"My turn!" Jaden probably finished laughing last, grabbing the dice and rolling. "Uh oh. Go To Jail?! What happens if I don't roll doubles? I only have 25 bucks!"

April sighed. "It's alright. I'll lend you $50 if you can't get out with doubles."

"Really? Thanks, Ril!"

GXGXGX

**Three turns later…**

"Um…April? I little help, please?"

"Not a prob, Jay." April put one of her many blue fifties in the bank; since Jaden had been sent to jail, Chazz had hit April's pinks, her reds, Aster's blues (which he didn't have to pay rent on), and even his own purple properties (multiple times—and, unfortunately for him, it seemed he was the only one two land on the purples). Aster had hit her reds, too, but that was about it.

"Congratulations, Slacker," Chazz grumbled. "You're officially in debt 50 bucks."

Jaden, rather childishly, stuck his tongue out at Chazz, who merely rolled his eyes.

GXGXGX

**Another couple turns later…**

"Uh oh…this is bad." Jaden bit his lip. He only had forty dollars, his one property on mortgage, and had just landed on Park Place. "How much?"

Aster snorted. "You can't afford it. And it's _way_ too much to ask to borrow; you'll never return it."

"_How much?_" Jaden persisted.

"$1100."

"Face it, Slacker," Chazz laughed. "You lose."

Aster glanced at Chazz. _He wants Jaden to loose_…_maybe I'll give Jay a chance, just to piss Chazz off_. "Hey, Jaden? How about you give me your last property, give April your $25 so that you're only $25 in debt, and give your passing GO money to me for the next three times you pass it?"

"What?!" Chazz yelled.

"Thanks, Ast." Jaden grinned that goofy grin of his. "You got yourself a deal!"

"No!" Chazz screamed. "Aster, _why_?!"

"I want my money," Aster stated simply as he chuckled. April grinned and Jaden nearly collapsed with laughter.

When Jaden finally finished laughing, he became aware that he had doubles. "Sweet! Chance!" He moved his shoe piece to Chance and picked the top card. "Oh…this is bad. April—" he started, moving his piece forward to Jail. "—if I don't get out, can you, um…?

April sighed, then giggled. "Sure."

GXGXGX

**A couple more turns later…**

"You're out, Slacker."

"That's what you said last time, Chazz," Aster pointed out.

"Well, this time, it's true," Chazz grumbled. "He's got zero bucks, zero properties, and I am _not_ cutting him any breaks."

Jaden had finally managed to pay Aster and April back. The bad news—he was out of money/properties and had just landed on one of Chazz's purples.

"Aw, come on, Chazz," Jaden begged as he pouted.

"Look, Mr. Mc-Pouts-a-lot, I can't help you." Chazz shrugged.

"Can't or won't?"

"WON'T! I absolutely _refuse_ to help you. You. Are. BANKRUPT!" Chazz screamed.

"Fine, then. You don't have to yell. The thing is…I was gonna SPLIT THE FIVE-POUND CHOCOLATE BAR WITH JESSE!"

"No, Jaden!" April shrieked.

Too late.

"_**WHAT?!**_" Jesse roared, busting the door in. "_**WHO MADE HIM LOSE?!**_"

"Um…aren't you supposed to be in North Academy?" Aster pointed out. "…in Europe?"

"_**WHO WAS IT?! WAS IT YOU?!**_" Jesse pointed an accusing finger at Aster. "_**IT WAS, WASN'T IT?!**_"

Aster put his hands up defensively. "No, not me. I'm innocent, swear!" He, in turn, pointed his own finger at Chazz. "It was him!"

"…" Jesse's eye twitched heavily as he slowly turned to Chazz. "_**SCARECROW! WALKING DRUGSTORE!**_"

"Are those supposed to be insults?" Aster whispered to April as Jaden recoiled in horror from such "foul language."

April shrugged. "I guess. I think I heard it once in a play **(A/N: That would be **_**A Marriage Proposal**_** by Anton Chekov…don't own it, either)**…

"Or maybe it's just idiot language," Aster noted. "That would explain Jaden's reaction, anyway."

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Jesse suddenly screamed in fury. "_**STUPID GAME!**_" He kicked furiously at the board, toppling it over.

"_**HEY!**_" Everyone yelled simultaneously. "_**JESSE!**_"

"Here's a bright idea," Chazz growled. "Let's lock him in the closet."

Aster eagerly nodded his consent, while April looked dubious and Jaden furiously shook his head ("That's not very nice, Chazz!").

"Come on, let's go." Aster lunged at Jesse, grabbing his arm and pinning it behind his back while the teal-haired boy roared like a captured animal. "Open the closet!"

Chazz lunged for the door and swung it open just in time for Aster to throw Jesse in and slam it shut. He had been trapped for less than a second before he started pounding on the door, yelling things like: "_**GOOBER-GUM!**_" or "_**FERDINAND-BERRY!**_" (all of which made Jaden recoil in horror and made the others question the two boys' sanity).

"Damn," Aster murmured. "I was winning, too."

"You aren't a very sore loser, Jaden." April scowled. "You knew that would happen, didn't you?"

Jaden grinned mischievously in response. "Maybe."

Chazz smirked. "So…anyone wanna buy that chocolate bar, drop it in the volcano, let Jesse out, and see what happens?"

GXGXGX

**Phew, done! At first, this was just gonna be a stupid little drabble about them playing Monopoly, but then I read a bunch of crackfics and had humor on the brain! So anyway, please R&R, but especially REVIEW!!!!!!! PLEASE! Jesse wants you too! Isn't that right, Jesse?**

**Jesse: Let me out of this stupid closet!**

**Me: Not unless someone reviews!!**

**Jesse: PLEASE, SAVE ME! I'M GONNA STARVE IN HERE!**


End file.
